The 3 Do’s and Dont’s of text messages during Divorce.

Texting is written communication used for good and bad purposes.  It’s used as evidence or ammunition of a parents or spouses bad behavior. Text messaging causes all types of trouble for people experiencing a divorce especially how it’s interpreted, so here are a few do’s and dont’s.

The serious do’s and don’ts of texting worth considering during the divorce process.


1. DO use your texts and IMs to document the other persons actions, reactions or overall bad behavior toward you or the children.

2. DO use texts for very brief interactions for child pick ups or drop offs or anything that can be communicated quickly without the need for a call.  A text is often a great way to schedule a time to talk in person or over the telephone.

3. DO use text messaging very carefully with the complete understanding that “anything you say can and will be used against you!”  If you start getting heated or the other person starts the text attack – BLOCK THE CALLER’S NUMBER for the rest of the day.  Do not engage.  RETREAT …. RETREAT!!!


1. DO NOT text obscenity, profanities or anything that sounds threatening, stupid, crazy, mean or otherwise completely unnecessary other than making you feel so much better for telling them how you feel.

2. DO NOT post text or otherwise subject your children to your rant or other “rub it in his face” gestures.

This includes texting, instant messaging or otherwise posting on any of the social networks how terrible the other person is or how great your new social life and freedom are currently.

A lawyer can line up dates you were to be parenting and instead finds selfies of you drunk at a party, or proof from a random text that you just left a bar and are driving home, or can demonstrate to the court you were at the ball game and ditched the children at your parents.

These are several issues I’ve defended or tattled to the judge to call into question parental “RESPONSIBILITY.”

3. DO NOT think deleting a message or closing a social media account will save you.  When there is an issue of concern, lawyers find ways to subpoena all of the information.  Not to mention, that one you loved who is now determined to rip you from the lives of your children has saved every message you ever sent …. On the phone, in the E-mail, with screen captured dated photos.

Let’s be very clear! Unless the information is directly on point as to how this communication is relevant to your financial or parenting picture, the judge doesn’t want to hear or see it.

If you do retain the subpoena and interrogatory crazed counsel, make sure you clearly understand exactly what questions and/or subpoena will likely produce to change or supplement what is already known and you can prove without further inquiry.

What goes around, comes around and nothing you want to text during your divorce is likely to help you save your children and restructure your family successfully.

If you would like to discuss your situation with us please call or email us

contact Teddi Ann Barry