7 Things to Know Before You Get Divorced

Divorce in Colorado can be stressful and hurtful.  How you approach divorce, from the first conversation to the last day in Court can make a difference.  Here are 7 things to know before you get Divorced.

1. Hurt People Hurt People ~ Will Bowen.

Some of the worst things you will ever say or hear happen during Divorce.  If you are hurting, acknowledge it and refrain from hurting those around you.  Also remember if your spouse is saying or doing awful things to you through the divorce, they are likely hurting too.

AdobeStock 81178012 scaled Mature couple talking to each other in sofa

2. Keep it Private

While we all need someone to talk to and confide in during divorce, telling everyone, or taking to social media to rant about your divorce or soon to be X is not helpful for anyone.  Your kids don’t need the details of your adult matter.  You should find 2 or 3 people who know you well and maybe know your spouse to be able to talk to as you go through your divorce.

3. Consider counseling

Hopefully if you’ve decided to divorce you and your spouse at least attempted counseling before filing for divorce.  There is often so much to process from the panic of losing everything, to the idea of a new identity, to creating boundaries with your former spouse and being alone.  Whether one session, monthly or weekly counseling sessions as you get through the divorce, having a professional to help you process your divorce may be very helpful.


4. Address EVERY other issue first

Before you call the divorce attorney or run to the court house to file papes, ask yourself what are the other reasons your marriage is struggling.  Does someone have a drug or alcohol problem that hasn’t been treated?  Has someone been unfaithful?  Are there mental health issues or physical health problems to address first?  Marriage is hard!  Make sure you tried everything to save the marriage  before deciding to get divorced.


5. Make sure you’re sure 

For many couples, a trial separation and counseling may make sense before going forward with a divorce.  Often a trial separation with some intensive counseling can help couples better understand each other, self, and what may be needed to save the marriage can be helpful.  On the other hand, the same process may help one or both spouses know divorce is the best answer for them. 

An irretrieveably broken marriage only takes one spouse to declare it so.  Sometimes one spouse absolutely does not want to get divorced.  When one spouse is sure, the other doesn’t have to be certain.


6. Keep safe

Do you fear for your safety when confronting your spouse?  Is one of you high-tempered or have trouble controlling anger?  During your Divorce, avoid difficult conversations in private places if being alone scares you..  Stay out in public or keep your communications in writing.  


Stay checked in with your own mental health too.  Are you suddenly sleeping more than normal?  Drinking too much? Crying or yelling a lot?  Find good friends, keep busy with work and your social life, and if you need help get help.


7. Timing is everything

From the first conversation about getting divorced and throughout the process remember how important timing is.  Don’t have hard conversations when someone is tired, pre-occupied or possibly under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  Avoid trying to negotiate your settlement before you have all the facts, or when someone is rushed or emotional.  Once documents are filed with the Court, you are on a timeline and have deadlines to meet.  Do your best to stay ahead of the deadlines, and give yourself plenty of time to consult with a lawyer before signing anything.