These are the 5 most important specifics and to help you through this difficult time in your life.
1. FIGURE OUT YOUR FINANCES FIRST.
So many come to my office or turn what was not a terrible situation into a litigious nightmare simply because they did not take the time to properly gather their financial information.
- Get a year’s worth of your bank statements – for every account;
- Get your last 3 year’s of tax returns
- Get your last 3 month’s of paystubs
- Get your current bills – whatever debt you have get the documentation to know what you owe.
Then pull the form financial statement offline and fill it out to the best of your ability and then also get the list of the mandatory financial disclosures and gather the rest of it.
As a sidebar, you are going to need 2-3 copies of everything. Keep the originals in their original form and make 1 copy. Redact every social security number and all but the last 4 digits of every account number you can find on every document. Once you have redacted all of the account numbers and social security numbers from the first copy, then make the next 2 copies for your counsel and the other party.
2. COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
Do not hide behind your lawyer or start blowing up your family affairs with all of your friends and extended family. The Piranha or Paranoia will certainly kill you faster than the Tiger of Truth in a divorce. The better you can communicate with your spouse or partner through this process the better your divorce will be.
By this I mean you will pay lawyers less to communicate for you or “fight for you” over issues that either aren’t actually legal matters or there is very little we can do to fix. Your kids are better off immediately in this chaos of confusion to know that regardless of the marriage they will continue to have both parents and see their parents as a united front.
I can hear my readers saying “well, hell, if we knew how to do that we probably wouldn’t be getting divorced.” As true as that may be everyone needs to rebuild and move forward. Your money is far better spent in a few hours of couples therapy working on communication than the “fight to win” your divorce.
Do you realize that most counselors my clients work with charge $75.00 to $125.00 per hour while most attorneys I work with charge $250.00- $400.00 per hour. You do that math and when you are done with the calculator consider how the fight litigating your divorce will help your family compared to a few hours working on your communication.
3. EMOTIONAL DECISIONS MAKE FOR TERRIBLE SEPARATION AGREEMENTS OR COURT ORDERS.
Although they say less than 10% of Colorado divorce cases actually go to a court hearing with the judge, the amount of time wasted and money spent getting divorced is almost always driven by one or both party’s emotions and not the facts or reality of the case.
You know if you have limitations regarding parenting time; or if you are a control freak trying to use the kids as pawns in the divorce.
You know if you can keep the house or if selling it or letting your spouse or partner have it is the better financial decision – you just don’t want to.
You know if there is a difference in what you should be paid by your spouse or partner and what you actually need to start your own life.
If you take the emotion out of the divorce and stop trying to punish one another even more, you are more likely to get through to the other side with far less costs – financially and emotionally.
4. EVERYTHING IS DISCRETIONARY
People come into a case or get sold on a false sense of security with a salesman lawyer that they will win, that the law is on her side, or that they can’t settle or take no for an answer – entrenching themselves into a position instead of a solution.
People need to understand that in family law, we are in a court of “fair and equitable” and there are so many case-by-case facts that play into a divorce that you and your spouse or partner are so much better off resolving your issues with the help of counsel and a neutral mediator than leaving issues to a judge in a courtroom.
5. YOU ARE IN CONTROL.
So often clients fall into victim syndrome – thinking that their soon to be X in controlling and winning everything – or that his attorney will handle everything and tell him what to do.
Your lawyer works for you. You know what is best for your children. You know what the financial situation is ( especially if you were paying attention for #1.)
You have more control than you realize to make the divorce as smooth or as emotionally and financially rocky as you choose.
Choose knowledge over ignorance; choose resolve over litigation; choose to save your children and restructure your family.
Contact us with any questions or concerns.
