Who Are You Divorcing?
HATERS, CHEATERS & AVOIDERS
How to identify who you are dealing with and handle your divorce effectively.
Right now, we are experiencing some highly contentious and emotional divorces.
There is so much anger, pain and fear many clients experience through their divorce. It goes without saying that most people divorcing have been dealing with or avoiding these same feelings for some time.
At Divorce In Colorado we try to find ways to simplify divorce for those struggling so deeply and emotionally. When clients can identify the issue – name it, see it, sit with it – they are often better able to lean into it and stop fighting. Note this is written as opinion and my professional experience. I am not trained in psychology and do not pretend to be. See below for some great recommendations.
The “AVOIDER” is 1 of the most prominent personalities we see often during Divorce in Colorado. Here is what to do when you or your spouse may be an AVOIDER.
Avoiders can be seen as the spouse who has thrown themselves so far into work, the children, or another interest that the marriage is a low priority. Avoiders can also be the one drinking and smoking too much, using recreational or prescription drugs or finding other vices to avoid the marriage and their lives in general.
Avoiders often choose complacency over fighting; spending over budgeting; and partying over participating. Avoiders hate conflict and want to leave constantly – or want you to leave. They either have extremely distant relationships with the children or are so involved with the children that the marriage is a far second.
If you are divorcing an Avoider, you will likely have to do all of the work through the divorce just as you likely did through the marriage. This means finding the lawyer that will work with you to gather the financial disclosures, drafting proposed agreements, setting meeting times to meet with or work with the other spouse, often helping you even find the attorney that may be best for the person to get separate advice and review the documents.
If you are the admitted Avoider getting divorced, hiring the right attorney to hold your hand, break down the process so it does not get overwhelming, helping you set specific deadlines and not letting the divorce take longer than necessary is very helpful. Avoiders especially should consider working through their agreements prior to filing the Petition for dissolution so as to avoid the deadlines imposed by the Courts.
Of course, every person is different and there are many other personalities getting divorced. Selfishness is usually the place to start.
Here are some of our most trusted counselors many of our clients are working with to divorce successfully.
- Mike Brooks, http://applicablecoaching.com/
- Laura Saye: http://www.laurasaye.com/
- Amy Stambuk: http://www.thecoloradocenter.com/AESmain.html
- Dawn Gabriel: http://www.authenticconnectionscounseling.com/dawn.html